top of page

"I'm Not Going to Fight You for Control."

Many months ago God showed me a steering wheel with four hands on it, two were mine and two represented His and how that wasn't something He was willing to do.

"I'm not going to fight you for control."

What would happen is that I would pray about something and then not let Him have control of it to fix, heal, or take care of.

I would pray with my mouth and deeply desire His help and at the same time would be running around implementing strategies I hadn't prayed about at all. In essence, I'd want Him to bless my frantic moves as I made them.

Every time I've done this, He waits until I let go.

This is different from being in a frozen state unwilling to take steps out of fear. There are times God has wanted me to get up and take steps in the direction He's given me based on a vision He's put in my heart or mind.

What I'm talking about is more about having no direction and working out of panic and a lack of faith in His ability to show up on time.

He's unwilling to submit to our authority. He will not become a worker as we operate as foreman on the site.

Compared to God's, many if not all of our ideas are toddler-esque. They're often actually crazy and often dangerous. But when in a crisis, big or small, especially if you're a "go getter," it can be hard to give up control.

Last night I dreamed I was carrying a dead body up a ladder. It was really hard work. The body was way bigger than me, heavy and resembled a larger than life character I'd seen in a video game.

When I went to write it in my prayer journal I asked the Holy Spirit to tell me what it meant and was told immediately.

Side note: There are times God takes awhile, but I've found He actually answers many prayers right away but just in ways I either 1) don't like 2) wasn't expecting so it seems like it took longer than it did.

The dream was concerning a situation I'd been praying about for some time. I'd been asking God to intervene and help because I was so concerned, but also carrying the situation on my back and constantly thinking and scheming, and really trying to manipulate someone into thinking the way I do.

He'd already told me it was in His hands but I hadn't taken my physical hands off it and my wheels were constantly turning. It was tiring, to be honest, and I wasn't getting anywhere. In fact, I think I was making it worse.

There are things to do while God is working: the things He's already told you about, pray, behave the way He wants you to which frankly when really done well takes attention.

But when you are eager to see a work completed, there can be this idea that more hands make for speedy work. That only works with cleaning living rooms or detailing cars.

When I'm cooking, I don't like anyone else to be in the kitchen. I find it irritating. I'm always bumping into them and wiping up a mess I didn't make, or answering questions.

"What are you doing? Why are you adding that?"

"Truly none of your business," is what I want to say.

I wonder if Abba feels similarly at times. I know He likes to work with us, but a job only works if everyone knows their rank and position.

He's head and I'm sous. Sous listens to what the head chef says and don't go stirring up and adding to pots they have no business in.

I know it feels different when lives are on the line, but there's no one we love more than Jesus loves them. I remind myself of that sometimes. We can go to war in prayer and listen for the next instruction. We can have faith.

I'm going back to my journal in a few minutes and will tell Him I'm sorry for getting in His way. It was a lack of faith on my part. I'll pray and listen for what to do next rather than invent new recipes. The difference between dancing and random jerking movement is order. God is a God of order. His sheep know His voice and if we stay tuned on Jesus, there's no reason to make wild moves out of fear.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

*I wanted to add this. Someone might be thinking, "How do I increase my faith?"

God told us. "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."

I read my Bible every day but can tell when I'm running low...when I feel overwhelmed and as if I'm struggling to see good...that's when I need more than just a chapter or two which is my go-to.

There are also times when I feel as if reading is a struggle, and two verses feel like a feat. Then I know I need it even more. I like to put on an audio Bible and listen. I've pasted one from one of my favorite books: John. If I was going to be on an island and could only bring one with me, it would be John probably. This one is really cool because there are a bunch of different voices so it feels like a movie. The story of the Samaritan woman is in it and it's just amazing.

lots of love, Bunmi


The promises of God begin and end with Yeshua because He is the reconciliation. If you've been walking through life on your own and want to walk with a Shepherd who will never let go of your hand, here's how to start.


bottom of page